In my opinion, one of the traits that takes a leader from good to great is honesty. Especially in today's society when lying is common and quite frankly accepted, the ability to be honest even when it's difficult is almost a lost skill. I have been fortunate enough to be in the presence of some incredibly honest leaders who have mastered the leadership paradox of honest and kind (in other words, have the ability to, in a difficult situation, be honest toward the situation and kind toward the individuals involved). How do they do it, and what makes them stand out in it?
The story I'm going to share is a more personal one, but is truly one of the most memorable moments of a leader in my life being honest when it was the hardest thing to do.
For some background on the story my Dad and Grandpa were always pretty close. My Grandpa ran a small telephone co-op and pretty well pioneered rural telephone/broadband throughout Iowa while my Dad was growing up and that was where my dad worked all through high school. Fast forward all these years and my Dad ended up doing very similar work to my Grandpa, running telephone co-ops and growing the broadband industry. They were partners in life in a lot of ways, both personal and professional.
In July of 2022, my Grandpa Ed was admitted to the ICU for an array of mostly heart problems. During that time, my Dad flew out to Iowa to see him and I met them at the hospital. I can only imagine how difficult this was, but my Dad has been an incredible leader through difficulty/tragedy since I can remember. His emotional control is unreal, and it really shows when difficult times arise. The thing that has always amazed me though is his ability to be honest no matter how difficult the truth is to tell.
While we were in the ICU with my grandpa, he was on a good amount of drugs while they were in the process of trying to figure out all of what was wrong with his heart. He was tired of being in the hospital and just wanted to go home. All he really cared about was knowing when they would send him home. I can't really add the emotion to it for you, but watching my Dad interact with his dad who clearly didn't want to be there and knowing how close they are and how close I am with my Dad, when the question, "When are you taking me home?" came up, all I could think was, "What do you even say right now?" As a good son would (I like to think I'm an okay kid to have sometimes) I was definitely paying close attention to my Dad in that moment. My mind was thinking, "Well, I would tell him he will go home soon." And to me, that was a good answer. But what my Dad said caught me off guard. He responded with, "I don't know that you're going to get to go home Dad. I'm hoping they can get you better so you can go home, but right now they need you here."
I had a lot of thoughts going through my head in that moment but the two that stuck were, "That was honest. How did you do that?" Like, the truth was that the shape he was in, they weren't sure he would make it out of the hospital, and how did you have the courage to be THAT honest with your own father?
I spent a lot of time processing this and here's what I have found. Honesty is loving. No matter the weight of the situation, the honest answer is always the loving one, but understanding the truth that the honest answer should always be resolved with hope is the difficult part that many people miss. My Dad didn't say, "I don't know that you're going to get to go home Dad." and then just leave it at that; he followed it up with hope, "I'm hoping they can get you better so you can go home, but right now they need you here." He answered with this similar answer every time my Grandpa asked to go home, and that was more than I could count.
In leadership, I think it's so easy to fall into one of two ditches, either the ditch of lies or the ditch of honesty without hope. Both are bad and both tend to limit growth of another person through a difficult situation. Good leaders tell it how it is. If an employee messes up, they say, "You messed up." But, great leaders tell it how it is and show hope through it, "You messed up, but I think we can fix it."
Honesty is a hard skill to master, but learning to resolve truth with hope can make it that much easier to say what's true without being a pessimist. So, how do great leaders tell the truth and stand out in it? They are honest, but hopeful.
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My Grandpa did go home after that week or so in the hospital and lived another 5 months. You can read his obituary here if you wish.
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