Moments.

Have you ever had a moment? A moment where you are behaving as someone/something you aren’t? If you’re like me, you have, and afterwards all you can think is, “Really? That isn’t who I am.” We often have an exuberant amount of grace for ourselves when we have a moment. But what about when someone else has a moment? Do we have any grace at all, or do we immediately shape them in our image and make them a man of their moment? Is that who they are, or are they just having a moment?

At my current job I work in a warehouse, and we often use forklifts to carry the pallet we are loading with product for each order. Some order pickers use a pallet jack if they have a smaller order because we are limited on forklifts and big orders typically end up being multiple pallets weighing around 800-1200 pounds. The aisles are narrow; just enough room for two small forklifts to pass each other. Because of this, it’s important to park your pallet up against the shelving while picking so other order pickers can get through if needed.

While picking an order, one of the other order pickers was pulling a pallet jack in front of me and I was following in the forklift. Out of nowhere he stopped his pallet jack in the middle of the aisle and kept walking down the aisle to find what he needed. Immediately I was frustrated (rightfully so). “Uhmmm… Helloooooo? I need to get through. Seriously? How stupid can you be?!” (You're probably thinking I'm extremely impatient, but I promise it was just a moment) Luckily, I hold my tongue well, so I was only thinking it. After getting worked up for a few seconds I thought to myself, “Seriously? I’m going to get mad over something this small? That isn’t who I am.” I was quick to fall into a moment; painting this co-worker in my own image and justifying how incompetent and unaware he was. I was also quick to correct and forgive myself. That got me thinking... What if I didn’t hold my tongue well and all those thoughts came spewing out? I would probably be seen as impatient, rude, and emotionally controlled. “But that isn’t me, I was just having a moment!” Well, maybe, he too was just having a moment. He may not have known I needed to get through. Was he actually stupid and unaware? Possibly, but probably not; and who am I to decide anyways?

I had a moment, and quickly forgave myself. Yet in a moment of someone else’s life, I was ready to decide I knew everything I needed to know about them. Someone cuts us off in traffic and instantly they are the worst driver on the road and possibly the most inconsiderate person alive. The fast-food restaurant takes a little bit too long to get our food ready one time, and now they are the laziest people alive, and maybe even the most useless workers in the workforce. Our boss loses his/her cool when confronting us about something we did, and now he/she is an incapable leader who has no business being in their position and all he/she does is belittle workers in a power exerting effort to keep their position.

While we are painting all these people in our head, does the way we make them out to be really define who they are? Possibly, but probably not. The person driving might not have seen you, the fast-food workers might have a drive-thru line backed up to the next town, and that boss might be already regretting the way they treated you and thinking up a time they can meet to apologize for the way they acted.

You’re probably thinking, “Great, but at what point does it become who they are? Like yes, my boss yelled at me, but it’s the 20th time this month. I’m pretty sure at this point he is just an ass.” Well, this “Man or Moment” rule, as I call it, applies mainly to strangers and/or people we don’t know well. Once we get to know someone, we start to know who they are and what their intentions are. But it’s a problem when we create people and their intentions in our head based on a moment they have when we don’t really know them. I also apply it at times when someone I know well does something that is out of line with who they normally are. I just say to myself, “Man or Moment? Probably a Moment.”

While this is a great rule to apply to both leadership and daily life, it is important to remember that not everyone is going to treat you with the same grace. People will still make an image of you based on your moments. So how do you limit your moments? I use a value check. We will often think things that don’t align with what we value/who we are, and I think Paul knew this when he wrote 2 Corinthians 10:5, which commands us to, “Take every thought captive…” When we use a value check, we run our thoughts through our value filter. If it doesn’t pass, then it shouldn’t come out in our words or actions. That’s how we limit our moments. We take every thought captive, run it through our values, and if it doesn’t pass, then in our thoughts is where it stays. Our consistency improves and we have more control over our own image.

Think about your thoughts like a light. The bulb only shines when we take action and flip the switch. Our thoughts are always waiting for us to take action, and they won't shine through until we do. We become inconsistent when every situation causes us to take action and flip the switch, causing our moments to shine through. But, by taking our thoughts captive and performing a value check, we decide when to act, overall controlling what shines through us and what doesn't.

When that driver cuts us off, before we start yelling how bad a driver they are and throwing birds up and hitting the steering wheel, we must think to do all of that first. So, when we think it, we take it captive and say, “No, I am not emotionally controlled, I am self-controlled. Man or moment? Probably a moment.” It didn’t pass the values check, so it stays in our thoughts; the switch stays off. We just eliminated a moment where someone could possibly paint us as emotionally controlled, unforgiving, and angry. We chose not to flip the switch on that thought, and we took control of what was shining through.

Give others the benefit of the doubt, they might be what you’re making them out to be, but they probably aren’t. Don’t expect others to extend this same grace, limit your moments. Give each thought a value check before it comes out in your words and actions. You control the switch, so don't shine your moments.